Heels and Beyond: pillow talk

Showing posts with label pillow talk. Show all posts

at 7/20/2017

Bloggers. What's on people's mind when they first heard that word? Some people will like, "Wow, that's so cool!" Some people will just," What does that even mean?" "What you really do?" "You got paid?" "Is that even a real job?" "You must be having fun all the time." Yup, that's some of people's thoughts when I explain what I do. Yes, most of the time I was having fun. Yes, I got paid, but I always give my honest opinion, and I will not recommend something I personally don't like. I'm not a type of person who will receive every single thing that offered to me. And yes, it's a real work.

Look, First of all, I'm not here to say that I'm an expert blogger or what, I just want to share something that I experienced from the last 3 years of being a blogger, that everything is not always looks fun and glamour as it looks like. Every profession has their good and bad side, and I think you guys seen enough of the good side, right? Well, here's the dark side of blogger's life from my point of view:

1. Seniority
Believe it or not, I was a victim of these kind of thing in blogger's world (when I thought it ended in high school). Even though, we started together as bloggers, I was treated bad. Like I was some kind of junior and it's like high school all over again. I was so naive that I thought everyone was nice. I will not tell you guys the details, because I don't want to embarrass anyone.

2. Mean Girls
3 out of 10 events I attend there's always what we called a mean girl. Mostly, at the events you mingle and made a lot of new friends, but if you're on your bad day you meet that mean girl. Someone who's trying to bring others down or shaming others because she thought it make herself look cool . It's so sad because we girls, instead of empowering each other, try to tear each other, just because we want to stand out and wanting more attention. Not only from real events, it also happens on social media a lot. For example, some bloggers love to insult others who have different style. I really don't understand why, because I think DIVERSITY IS BEAUTIFUL. You don't have to be the same and if you're different, you don't have to insult others that is different than you. We should empower each other, let's stop tearing each other down. If you know Hailee Steinfeld's song, Most Girls, the lyrics explains these situation a lot,

Some girls like to keep their physique real private

Some girls wear jeans so tight 'cause it feels so right, yeah

Some girls, every day searching, keep the page turning

Sleepin' in late cause they're just celebrating life

You know some days you feel so good in your own skin

But it's okay if you wanna change the body that you came in

Cause you look greatest when you feel like a damn queen

We're all just playing a game in a way trying to win at life

3. Bullying and Haters

It's so common here and thanks to the people who support me, I could handle all of these things. The bullies that you see are not only from comments, but also from direct messages. You're expected to be perfect all the time, so on the day when your body isn't good enough, you got body shaming a lot. Sometimes you also got hate for only God knows why is the reasons.

4. Plagiarism
Look, I know, as a blogger, how writing can be rough when you don't have any inspiration. But, you don't have to copy your own friend. I'm not saying I never take source from other website, but when I do, I give them credits. What's so funny is when you copy your own friend who's brainstorming all day to find an inspiration. There I said it. At least, give some credits. This unwritten rules also applies to pictures. It's fine if you took my picture, at least give some credits where it came from.

5. Inspiration
As I said before, I know sometimes it's hard when our inspiration just vanish into thin air. When that happens, what I do is give it some time, give it some space. Don't force to write something or even copy someone just because you're afraid that you won't post anything in the mean time. For me, quality is over quantity. If you don't have anything to write or to share, then don't post.

Whatever happens from the dark side of my blogger's life, I still LOVE blogging so much. I just hope some people will stop spreading negativity and hatred, stop copying others hard work and other bad stuff. Of course not everyone probably experienced these kind of things, this is just from my experience. And I'm so grateful I still have a lot of fellow bloggers with sincere heart, who support each other, who can be happy with others success and never consider themselves better than anyone else. You know who you are, my dears ;)

Okay, I hope this will give you, guys, a new perspective or reality of my life as a blogger. I will always try to keep everything REAL, that's why there's a pillow talk section on my blog. Of course, once again there's a lot of good side as a blogger, I think you've seen enough of those side on my blog and my social media, guess I spammed that a lot :)

xoxo, bee ❤

Bloggers. What's on people's mind when they first heard that word? Some people will like, "Wow, that's so cool!" ...

at 1/20/2017

These days, I'm so grateful I've got to meet a lot of new people from many different backgrounds in every events I attend. And sometimes I'm still surprised to meet people with their cockiness. We all know people who sing their own praises or social opportunity, even they often praise themselves in their own social media.

For my whole life, I tried to build my self-confidence, and I realize when I finally ACCEPT the way I am, inside and out, that's finally how I feel confident. So, of course, to be honest, I never understand why some people likes to brag about themselves everywhere, so out of my curiosity I did some research about this arrogance thing and find out the simple fact about it.

Confidence = Self-Acceptance

Arrogance= Ego and Insecurities

Yes, as simple as that. It sounds crazy, the first time I hear it, because there's no way they feel insecure when they keep bragging all the time. But, the more I pay attention to their behavior, it makes more sense. Arrogant people usually view themselves as superior and never admit their mistakes. They even treat others as junior, and they see themselves above others, it's all because of their ego and deep down inside they feel insecurities. Here are some differences or fine line between Confidence vs Arrogance;

1. Condescending Remarks

Arrogant people are single minded; they either think that they are superior to others or inferior to them. This arrogance may be nothing more than a way to cover the feelings of "feel small" they experience when dealing with someone else. They feel better when they tears others down. I think it's truly a sick feeling to see that behavior, because I feel allergic to people who always think they're superior and better than everyone. Wake up! There's always people who's better than us, and we should never stop learning.

On the contrary, confident people are high minded, because they can feel good without having a desire to offend or even hurt others. They don't feel the need to brag. They usually see other people's potential and can help them succeed in something.

2. Active Listening vs Monologue

Arrogant and confident people treat others in a different way. An arrogant person thinks they are better than others, while a confident person knows they are just as good as others.

Confident people will rarely be found lecturing to others or how they are wrong. They usually show respect while listening to somebody. Arrogant people have difficulty listening to others/ They often exude negative energy and blame others if things do not work out as expected.

3. Ambition vs Ruthlessness

Ambition is not a crime. Confident people enjoy achievement and contributing their talents to the world. They don't feel threatened by others' successes and instead try to LEARN from them.

Cocky people need to believe that they are on top even if reality says otherwise. This can lead to unnecessarily manipulative behavior as they focus on defending a power base at all costs.

4. Self-perception

Confident people always feel comfortable, because they have the right conception of perfection. It seems impossible to bring them down, because they are aware of their weaknesses and know how to deal with them. Meanwhile, arrogant people brush their own weaknesses aside and cannot admit their mistakes.

5. Communication

Of course, it's not a pleasant thing to communicate with this kind of people. An arrogant person will always try to one-up everything you say. They mind only their own position and make others accept their ideas. That's why people try to avoid their conversations with them because it's not comfortable to speak with the person who is always right. Yes, ma'am lol.

Confident people ADMITS lack of knowledge and they don't try to impose their vision of the situation on others. Their accomplishments do it for them.

6. The Human vs The Greek God

According to psychcentral.com, as a self-confident person, you accept that you are just a human being. You are intrinsically no better or worse than anyone else. You accept who you really are, you have flaws, failures and really bad hair days. You treat yourself with compassion while taking responsibility for your choices, and you learn from misfortune and mistakes.

Arrogant people can't risk the fragile image in the face of the defeat and run from criticism. They tend to go extremes of either deflecting blame onto others or condemning themselves for being only human.

Truly secure people evaluate their own behavior and fave their doubts. By letting go of fear, you set yourself up for success.

7. The Origins

Arrogance is usually the result of a defense mechanism used by subconscious mind in order to prevent further criticism. Confidence comes from positivity, optimism and mental steadiness.

Well, that's it. I think it's important to understand the differences or the fine line between arrogance and confidence. Because no one likes to deal with arrogant people. This article is also for myself, so I always remember to stay grounded, yet confident. Try to be confident, because everyone wants to hang around people who feel secure and positive. No one wants to hang around cocky persons. Have you ever dealt with an arrogant person? Can you tell the difference between arrogance and confidence?

Source:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/26/the-fine-line-between-self-confidence-cockiness/

http://womanitely.com/ways-difference-arrogant-confident/

xoxo, bee ❤

These days, I'm so grateful I've got to meet a lot of new people from many different backgrounds in every events I attend. And s...

at 9/20/2016

First of all, I'm not saying I'm an expert of relationship or body language. I wrote this because of a personal request from my (not so) little sister. She's in her college life (in different city) and of course she is distracted by a lot of guys's attention (ahem). It's good to hear her stories, although sometimes I got overwhelmed with her questions, which basically has the same point. Is he into me? Why does he act like that? What's with his attitude today? Okay, then, I hope this post will keep up with her love life lol.

It's kinda exciting to listen to her stories, because that's what young girls should do, experience, get to know a lot of people! Don't get commit to fast, take your time! Find your best soulmate. I also hope you will find the right guy, sis ;)

Alright, enough about her, I don't want to expose her love life even more lol. Well, young and single ladies, just like us, men don't always say exactly what they're feeling precisely when they feel it. But they don't have to say much to show you what they're thinking. (These are based on my personal experience and research, no offense to anyone)

1. He will prioritize you
No matter how busy this modern-day life, if a guy's into you, he makes time for you. He calls you whenever he feels like it, even if it's just to say hi or ask how's your day going. He will make an effort to see you regularly. He makes plans to see you because he wants to spend time with you.

2. His pupils dilate
According to Patti Wood, a body language expert and author of Success Signals, A Guide to Reading Body Language, big pupils mean your crush is looking at you with desire. "Dilation is a brain response that occurs when you like and are attracted to something, " Wood tells Cosmopolitan.

3. Lots of eye contact
Subconsciously or not, we like to make tons of eye contact with people when we think they're attractive. If he can't stop staring at your eyes, you've got your clue ;)

4. He leans in when you're talking
Not only the eye contact, but his body language will do the same thing. If he leans in when you talk, keeps his torso facing you, maintains eye contact, and doesn't cross his arms and legs defensively, he's showing emotional availability and interest through his body.

5. He sits with his legs spread
Because this position exposes his man parts, it's a vulnerable position that could mean he's willing to put himself out there (literally and emotionally) to get to know you.

6. He wants to treat you
If it's just the two of you and he insist on paying for you, either he's just a gentleman in general, or he totally likes you. But, of course it depends on his personality, does he treat you just like his other friends? Don't quickly assume if he's an easy-going type guy

7. He smiles (a lot!)
If a guy's smiling, this doesn't necessarily mean he likes you, but if you guys seem to smile whenever you look at each other, for no real-reason, it's highly likely this guy likes you. When you like something (or someone) - you smile. The same goes for him.

8. He gets jealous
When you talk to other guys, and laugh. When he knew, there's other guy close to you, or keep calling or texting you. He'll try to act he's cool with it, but he'll be checking up on you and the other guy, trying to figure out whether that guy is making progress or not, whether you're interested in that "moron" or not. He might sigh or make a cranky face. Try to pick up on these little clues.

9. He touches you
Even when he doesn't really have to, he touches you. Accidentally, or just subconsciously, he makes some kind of physical contact with you. The more physical contact a guy makes, the more obvious is that he likes you. But, be careful, because there's also some guys who's totally a player who just wants to take advantage from you! You have to be able to see the difference between those who's really into you and who's just want to play around.

10. He listens (and not judging you)
This is extremely important, because if there's one thing men are great at, it's not listening. They are great at ignoring things they don't want to hear. There. I said it. But, when a guy's really into you, he not only makes a part of the conversation, but he also asks for your input, listens intently and responds appropriately.

Well, I hope you guys find this article useful, especially for you, little sis ;) Let me know, what you think by leaving comments here, thank you for stopping by!

Source: http://youqueen.com/love/how-to-tell-if-a-guy-likes-you-37-signs-he-likes-you-more-than-just-a-friend/

http://www.bustle.com/articles/132431-45-little-ways-you-can-tell-if-someone-is-into-you

xoxo, bee ❤

First of all, I'm not saying I'm an expert of relationship or body language. I wrote this because of a personal request from my...

at 5/12/2016

Life is not easy, we're trying our best to fit in society, whether it's in our job, our education, our social lives even in your own family. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try to do your best, there's always some negative people, even hater around you either because of jealousy, envy or just pure hatred. There's always negativity around, and as a human, it's hard to not thinking about it at all.

I had the worst self-esteem when I was a teenager, I was self-conscious, insecure and even at the college I was get bullied because of my ethnicity. There's always negative people no matter where you go, and it could affect your character if you let them get into your head.

The only way you can change that is setting goals of yourself and saying "I will be the best version of me. Do not allow negative people to turn you into one of them."

While people can try to get you down, you have a choice in how you react to them.

1. The Baseline

Before you're assume they're negative, you have to know what kind (type) of people who you're dealing with. Sometimes it could be they just having a bad day, or in a bad mood, and you happened to be in the wrong time. By knowing what's your critic's character you will be able to differentiate between the times that there is something wrong or "they are just being themselves".

2. Hang out in Groups

Have someone else around you, the more people, the better. By having someone else around, it may bring out a different side to an individual, and it could bring out a more positive side in the negative person. You also can see different opinions from another people which is good, especially if you're in an argument.

3. Objective Side

Negative people can be quite critical sometimes, they often say something that hurtful. They can make you think there's something wrong with you. Try to observe him/her interactions with other people. If she also did this to them, then it was nothing personal, she just often caught up in her negativity. Don't take it personally, just consider it's her point of view.

4. Change The Topics

Some negative people are triggered by certain topics, like their work or their relationship. Try to change the topic to lighten the mood. Maybe you can talk something more simple like new place to hang out, hobbies, new movies, common friends, and many more.

5. Stay away

Simple rule. People who are unhappy with their own lives, feel it's necessary to bring others down. Don't listen to them, you are beautiful, smart and can achieve anything as long as you don't take their negativity to heart. Surround yourself with optimistic and positive people. It could build a healthy self-esteem and change you into a better person. If it's possible, drop them from your life and move on. You are the one who decide how your life's going to be.

Source: http://zenhabits.net/negative/

Well, I hope you find this article useful and let me know what you think by comment here ;)

xoxo, bee ❤

Life is not easy, we're trying our best to fit in society, whether it's in our job, our education, our social lives even in yo...

at 4/10/2016

It's been a long time I want to share this kind of stuff to you, guys. I've been married for 5 years, in a relationship for almost 8 years and still counting. Not that I said I'm the expert. Hell no, relationship isn't about perfection, we both been through a lot of things, the worst fight and breakdown. But, we always come back to each other. Relationship is about understanding each other and embrace our imperfections. But, through your journey in life you might meet some guys and you got confused of finding "The One".

Note: This was based on my experience, no offense to anyone.

1. Take it slow

Don't be such in rush through your journey, explore your life. Give chances to some guys in your life to get to know you. Don't be a relationship just because your friends all did. Just because you're fall in love in your young age, doesn't mean he's the one. You have to take it slow in everything. Yes, I repeat, in EVERYTHING. You might regret things if you're only know 1 or 2 guys in your life, duh. Life is short, enjoy your life, find your best, get to know there are so many different characters in life. Finding the right one is important, because it will change your whole life.

2. Set Standard

After you meet your candidates, you have to set your standard if you want to get serious. Don't date someone with problem like drugs, smoker (again, no offense), playboy or criminals, duh. See his background, whether he's smart, has a lot of friends, his relationship with family, and of course the same lifestyle. It will be easier if you both have the same hobbies as well, but if you don't have the same hobbies, it's okay. Me and my husband don't have much same hobbies, but we manage to get along. In fact, we complete each other.

3. Love vs Lust

It might look similar, but there's difference between love and lust. In your teens age, your hormones really affected you, so if you get into wrong association, you will fall and makes huge mistakes in your life. I've seen a lot of people in my high school through that. So, that is why, it's better you make a decision when you grew up. Well, some of my friends lucky they met their soulmate from high school, still together until today! And for myself, I met my husband at college.

When you're mature enough, you can use your logic when you got close to someone. You can control yourself, and think what's best for you. You can tell is it true love or just lust? If it's pure lust, you will regret because it's toxic love relationship. It's okay and normal to feel lust at the beginning, because it is the first stage of falling in love. You attracted to his physical appearance, strong desire, but not deep emotional conversations, or discuss your feelings. From lust, to attraction, you finally can't spend a day without thinking about him. I had broke up with my husband for a month, and we still come back together. We've been through a love-struck phase. Time flies, after you both know each other for a long time, you already know your partner personality inside out, the imperfections as well and still choose to love and accept each other, that's when you're in deep love and commitment.

4. It will bring out the best of you

When you're with the right person, just remember it will bring out the best of yourself. You will become a better person inside out. He will support what's best for you and without any doubt will criticize you as well. If he's the right one, he will also bring you closer to your family. Not the opposite, if your partner brings you away from your family even fight with them, you should question yourself,

"Is this kind of person that I want to spend my life with?"
"Is this person more worth than my family that had spend your whole life with you?"

Put aside your emotions for a while and use your logic, there must be something wrong in this relationship if it has negative effect with people around you. Yes, love is blind, but not stupid.

All of this was based on my experience, no offense to anyone.
That's all for now, I hope you find this article useful and if you have a question, or suggest topic for the next Pillow Talk, let me know by leaving comment here

xoxo, bee ❤

It's been a long time I want to share this kind of stuff to you, guys. I've been married for 5 years, in a relationship for almo...